Implementing Right Intention To Develop Healthier Relationships
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All right. Thank you to, uh, Noland security and T-Rex arms for those. Wonderful commercials for us. We're getting dumb. Uh, so let's get into the, uh, let's get into the content of this podcast. Um, yeah. So we left off, uh, what the last episode, um, uh, I mentioned that we're gonna be going over, uh, implementing right intention to develop Healthier relat.
So this is the, uh, this is the second lesson, um, our teaching, I mean, uh, in, in the eightfold path. So, um, yeah, we'll just, we'll do what we did in the last episode, apply it to our relationships and just explore, uh, explore the teaching and explore, um, how we can do that. So let's get.
Are you tired of having long, unwieldy arms? ? I'm, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. All right. Right intention. Right Intention can be, uh, they can be broken down into three parts so that we can more easily practice this teaching. The first part of the, uh, of the teaching is the idea of renunciation and renunciation might sound a little scary at first, but don't worry.
There's varying levels of renunciations, uh, that we can implement to find the right fit for our motivations and our purposes. So, um, it's not a one size fits all kind of thing there. Um, it's more of a tailored to each individual. So when people first hear about that, um, or first hear about renunciation, it might sound like a dramatic shift in the way one is required to live.
But in fact, renunciation is more so the intention to make efforts. Simplify our lifestyles and to manage or regulate our cravings, uh, for the things in the emotional states that are unsustainable and or unattainable. Some examples might be desires for things like material possessions, constant gratification in our romantic lives through sexual stimulation, especially if our romantic relationships are purely sexual and lacking in any real compassion.
and then there's the big one, uh, immortality. And how far you want to take this first part of the practice of right intention is entirely up to you. We can, I'll probably think of a time we bought something nice for ourselves, like a new car and maybe even had a really awesome one night stand in the back of that car and maybe they banged your brains out, right?
And you might say, well, what's wrong with that? And, Nothing in that moment. It was, uh, what you felt you needed. And, and if that's the case, I'm genuinely happy for you. And, uh, if you have had fun moments like that or like those in your life, uh, you know, moments that are spontaneous and exciting and that's, that's, you know, that's good.
Like, that's what life's about. You're supposed to enjoy it. So, um, and, and deep down you might even be wishing that you could just stay young forever. Right? And do those types, do those types of things for, you know, for eternity. I mean, shit, I'd, you know, I'd be tempted. Even the most, uh, even the most ex experienced mindfulness practitioners might be tempted if presented with the opportunity to be immortal.
Right? Um, we can't live forever, you know? See, we know that's not realistic, right? We, we can't live forever and at least, you know, not, not at this moment, um, who knows what the future holds, but, uh, even if. Had, you know, even if we gained the capabilities of immortality, we'll still have suffering as a, as a constant companion to keep us company throughout that eternity.
So, um, you know, it's kind of like, that's a scary thought, right? We, we can't escape suffering as long as we have unsustainable desires. When we're focused on the cravings or our desires, we're living in a state of anxiety concerning a, a future outcome that can't be predict. Which is this pulling us away from being fully present in the current moment, which has dramatic, uh, impacts on our relationships.
Um, when you got that new car, it probably momentarily relieved all the anxieties that you had leading up to that purchase, right? The anxieties related to having reliable transportation. The anxiety is related to being viewed as a responsible individual that has enough income to provide themselves with things that reflect upon their status and maturity level.
And you may have, uh, not thought about it in those terms, but often these underlying motivations are at the root of our experience when choosing something like a new car. Um, you know, are they not? I think, uh, most of us could agree to that. Um, even if we don't think. , uh, you know, at the forefront of her mind.
It's, it's there subconsciously. And cars are often material reflections of our egos. And deep down, since many of our actions are, um, since many of the actions we have in life are subconsciously stem stemming from a place of sexual desire, we often choose a vehicle that will, um, that we believe will provide us with certain level, uh, a certain level of sex appeal.
And even if that's not the case for you, let's just, let's just go with this example for a. . Okay? So you, you get through the car and you're, and you're feeling all new and improved and you've even managed to find yourself in the backseat and of that new car, and you had that awesome one night stand and everything's going great that week.
But as we all know, uh, contentment, like everything else is Im permanent. So before you know it, that one night stand is a distant memory and you're alone in your car and you're driving home from work and maybe you're feeling lonely. And maybe you hope that one eye stand was, you know, maybe gonna develop into something more meaningful.
Maybe you look down and you notice that the car's beginning to show signs of age. The seats are a little more dirty than before. And, and there's a stain on the floorboard from the coffee you spill a few weeks back and there's a smell of steal french fries that have taken refuge in the cracks beneath your seat, uh, where the vacuum just can't reach.
And you get out and you close the door and you notice a new scratch. And then a month later something, you back into a post and, and then voila, you know, someone, or someone rear ends you, it. You know that and that new car's, it's an old car. It's, you know, and the miles are going up and up and up and before you know it, you're looking for a new car, , because you know that's gonna be the key to you getting your spunk back.
Right? So, Now you see where I'm going with this? It's the, it's history repeats itself, right? And uh, it's a repetitive cycle of feelings of inadequacy and desire. Inadequate, inadequate inadequacy, excuse me. And desire. So desire to relieve ourselves from the suffering is what it is. And, um, So we got the desire to relieve ourself from the suffering.
And that's brought on by our attachments of who we think we are, um, or who we think we need to be in order to get attention and sexual stimulation. Right? And of course, this is constantly promoted by advertising and it's further solidified in our minds by our culture, um, which is really sad. But that's the state of the world we live in right now.
Um, at least here in America. And I'm sure many other. and we, uh, we play into this, we accept these false realities as truths oftentimes. Um, I mean, I'm sure we, obviously commercials we just roll our eyes and go, okay, what does that have to do with anything? You know, you're just trying to trick me. But, um, I mean, it, it, it works , it really does.
Um, the ones we don't notice, even the ones we do notice, I mean, subconsciously we're taking that in and, uh, . Yeah. So we, we allow them to have power over our happiness in that way. And, um, contentment, you know, power over our happiness, power over our contentment. And, and thus we ultimately have, um, we let them have major sway over the amount of that we suffer as far as immortality goes.
Um, Just imagine being immortal. Let's say you never age and never gets and never get sick, right? You like you'll live healthily, healthily as long as you aren't, um, in an accident, and let's say you're very careful, um, eventually all of your loved ones will fall victim to a tragic and abrupt ending related to an accident, right?
So cuz you're the most careful one, right? So who's the unfortunate one in that? The people who died or the people that are the person you know that are going, that's going through eternity, uh, you know, an eternal existence with only memories of the, of the ones that you loved, they loved, you know, they'd be doomed to live a life of fear.
Um, fear of potential accidental death, a fear of making new relationships related to the fear of the potential for further loss of those that they become attached to. So that's just a food for thought right there. You know, be careful what you wish for, kind of vibe at that, uh, with that. So summer, you know, just to summarize, um, renunciation desire leads to suffering.
How far you feel you need to take this practice is going to be dependent on how much you wish to reduce your attachments in order to reduce suffering sometimes. We aren't aware of why we are suffering, and we might feel a dull or mild depression throughout every day of our lives and not be sure of the source.
Most likely it's stemming from our attachment to these ego-driven desires and our animal des desires as well. So, um, this is all, you know, this is all very subconscious. Stuff right there. So, but examining our subconscious motivations can aid us in consciously making steps to address these desires. And I don't want this to come off, like I'm saying, we need to refrain from having, you know, great sex and buying ourselves nice things and, um, and all that.
I'm, I'm just getting my, the point I'm trying to drive home is that we need to be aware of, be aware that whenever we enter into a romantic relat. Especially a serious one, we're creating attachment. And the same goes for our material possessions. And, um, as, and as we've establi, as we've established, um, you know, in the last one episode and in, you know, in what I'm getting at here, um, we've established that attachments are the root cause of suffering.
So even, even monks who live every aspect of their lives with the. You know, within the Dharma and, um, abide by, by the Dharma very, in a very strict sense, they, they still have suffering. Um, it's just a matter of, it's all just a matter of scale. So, , um, ask yourself before, you know, entering in into any potential emotional investment, how is this going to translate in terms of attachment and suffering?
Um, and don't get me wrong, this shouldn't ruin the joy. That's, that's not the goal. It's just the method to remind ourselves of the interconnected reality of cause and effect, right? So, um, you know, the, the car and the one night stand example, it's just an example of how even our subconscious comes into play when dealing.
The subject of attachments and suffering for a more direct example related to our relationships. Let's take for a moment, um, let's examine some of, uh, our own past relationships. I'm sure you can think of a time when you'd had a relationship with someone that cared, uh, that you cared for deeply, right? Um, but for whatever reason you found.
Less attracted to them over time. You both, you know, you both changed over time and it's, and it just wasn't the same. The spark was gone and you had an attachment to the person. Um, you had an attachment to that person, um, for who they kind of were when you began the relationship with them. And they may have been more, um, accepting of.
Of the changes that you both had undergo, undergone, and, and you felt differently. So you, you just felt you needed to end the relationship. Uh, you know, I've been there. I'm sure you have as well. Um, and, and this ultimately leads to suffering for both of you. Um, and it probably hurt you to have to break it, uh, you know, to break it off with them.
Um, and you no longer wanted the relationship in the same way they did. So, , they had to suffer hearing this news. And um, and they were probably still attached to you, uh, by their desire. Um, so you had, you didn't have the desire to be with them. They still had the desire to be with you. Um, and that was their suffering.
Your suffering was having to, um, having to hurt them in that way. Um, or maybe it was vice versa. Um, I'm sure we've all, uh, been on the receiving end as well. Um, if not, you're fortunate . Um, the more, the more we re um, so, okay, so examples like these examples, like these are, um, why teaching, uh, why, why the teaching includes renunciation.
The more we remove desires, like the desire to enter relationship or the, the desire to end one, um, the less suffering we manifest in our lives. So it's really, it's, it's all up to. , um, you have to weigh the benefits versus the potential for further suffering, pros and cons, right? So by accepting, um, impermanence and recognizing that everything changes, especially our relationships, uh, can help us develop a more flexible and, uh, accepting attitude towards our relationships and the changes that occur within them.
Um, this includes our relationships with, uh, the. As well. I e our relationships with our possessions and even our relationships with our perceptions. Um, it gets deep. So, so yeah, it covers that. Uh, moving on, we have the second part of this teaching intentions of Goodwill when practicing right intention and implementing it as a tool to better our relationships.
I feel like we should be, Careful not to lose sight of the fact that right intention is a teaching that promotes the constant monitoring of one's mindset through mindfulness practices and especially mindfulness practices of meta. Um, which in, in the poly language basically means positive energy and kindness towards others.
So we take that and then implementing the empathy we cultivate from those practices to promote within ourselves acts of altruism through right speech and right. and, uh, we're gonna cover right speech and right action. Um, in the next two podcasts. Um, now, like I, not like I discussed in the last episode, um, is there really such a thing as a selfless active compassion?
Well, who cares? Think about it. Think about it this way. If you're practicing meta, you're not only increasing your capacity for empathy and compassion towards others, but you're. Healing yourself. Quite literally, uh, studies have shown that stress relieving activities like meta meditation can aid us in protecting our, uh, telomeres.
Telomeres are DNA structures at the, uh, ends of our chromosome. So basically they're, you're, you're basically protecting your genetic information. It's, it's pretty miraculous as we age, our telomeres. naturally, you become shorter and stress will speed up this process. So when you're stressed, it causes us to age even faster.
And, you know, that's kind of like a snowball effect. You know, the more stress, the more you're aging, the more stress, the more you're aging. And uh, so by meditating on the wellbeing of others, we're also aiding our own wellbeing. So by practicing meta, , basically practicing meta equals less stress and a longer life.
Uh, meta practice will nurture our relationships by allowing us to recognize how the people closest to us make us feel, as well as help us to communicate more effectively, resolve our conflicts, and just develop a deeper connection with our, uh, with our loved ones and, and those that we seek to understand more.
and, uh, we might, we might not think about these things every day. And, uh, meta practice is a powerful way to remind us, uh, on a regular basis, just, you know, how important people are to us and how connected we are. And, um, like I briefly mentioned, uh, meta, meta is a, it's a powerful tool for self-love. In fact.
many meta meditations often begin with a compassion for oneself before expanding out to others. I would highly recommend finding a meta practice that suits you and then sticking with it for at least a week and just see how, um, see if you notice any changes in your outlook and overall mood. I'm willing to bet that you'd, uh, you'd probably, it'd be quite noticeable.
And yeah, the, I'll move on to the third and the final. Um, and this is the teaching of Harmlessness, uh, which can be defined, um, as the will to avoid harm through any mental, verbal or physical activity. It's probably pretty, uh, easy to see why this part of the teaching, uh, of right intention is not only, um, directly translatable, but very important in regards to our relationships.
A relationship where a harm is being done to one or even both or multiple people is a toxic and dangerous relationship. Avoiding behaviors such as gossiping, belittling, or insulting others will ultimately result, ultimately result, uh, not only in a healthier relationship, but a healthier mindset as well.
Practicing kindness and generosity and taking responsibility for our actions. Um, if you, if you have harmed someone, uh, you know, If you have harmed someone, it'll deeply impact the way, uh, we interact with that, um, with that person or the way we act, interact with one another from that moment forward. And, um, it's important not only to make, amend, uh, make amends, but it's also, um, but to also just take, take steps to ensure that it doesn't ever happen again.
Um, , we could do this by setting clear ethical boundaries based on compassion. Um, compassionate ethics involves setting boundaries to protect yourself and the o and others from harm. That's, that's really just what it's about. Establish, uh, you know, establishing, like, establish a clear boundary, um, for your relationships, and then communicate them effectively.
Uh, respect others' boundaries, uh, other people's boundaries and, and just avoid the behaviors that will violate them. Once you have those boundaries set, so, so much of right intention, um, is played out in the teachings of right speed and right action. So, you know, I think I'll just keep this one fairly short and I'll do my best to demonstrate in the next two episodes, uh, how right intention is the precursor to those, uh, teachings and how they are all interconnected.
Again, this, this goes back to the tree metaphor and I'll explain why I. a tree over the eight spoked will in the mindfulness episode. Of this eight part series, but, um, it's really all just semantics. Um, the wheel is also called, uh, the DMA Chaka. And, uh, it's, don't get me wrong, it's, it's a wonderful representation of the eightfold path and it's existed supposedly since the Buddhas first sermons.
So I'm not like trying to, to replace anything. You know, my, it's not, my ego's pretty big, but it's not that big. So, um, you know, I'm just trying to like, I'm just trying to symbolize the teachings of the eight full path with another form, so as to potentially help others see it in a different light. Okay.
Um, so that's the goal. You know, I'm not trying to like rewrite Buddhism. That's, you know, that'd be ridiculous. But, so as always, thank you for your time and if you, This episode please, like, subscribe, comment, rate, review, and all that good stuff that helps this song to grow, and I will hopefully see you on the next episode.